When Pain Speaks, You Can Change the Conversation

How Shifting Your Thoughts Can Transform Your Experience of Chronic Pain

Have you ever felt like pain was not just a sensation but a relentless voice dominating your every thought? Like no matter what you did, it kept narrating your life story without giving you a say in the script? I’ve been there, and I'm here to tell you a story that might just change the way you think about your chronic pain forever.

Picture this: It's a beautiful spring morning. Birds are chirping outside your window. On any other day, this might be a pleasant wake-up call. But not today. Today, their song feels like nails on a chalkboard, each chirp sending a jolt of pain through your already aching body.

Sound familiar?

What if I told you that the birds aren't the problem? What if the real culprit was something much closer to home – your own thoughts? What if I told you that when pain speaks, you can change the conversation?

The Invisible Puppet Master

Let's rewind a bit. Remember those birds? Their song is just a vibration in the air. It's neither good nor bad. It's your brain that decides whether it's a melodious tune or an irritating noise. And here's the kicker: your brain makes this decision based on your current state of mind.

When you're in a good mood, that bird's song is the soundtrack to a perfect morning. When you're stressed or in pain, it's an unwelcome intrusion. Same birds, same song, totally different experience.

So what’s changed?

It’s our mind pulling the strings. Our thoughts act like a filter, coloring every experience. When we’re relaxed and content, the world seems brighter. But when stress or pain takes hold, even the sunniest day can feel overcast.

I used to think pain was just a physical sensation—a stubborn guest overstaying its welcome. But what if the real culprit is closer than we think? What if our own thoughts are amplifying that pain?

The Pain-Thought Tango

Your body is constantly sending signals to your brain. Some of these signals are interpreted as pain. But here's the thing: pain isn't just a physical sensation. It's a complex dance between your body and your mind.

When pain enters the picture, this dance can turn into a tug-of-war. Your nervous system can become hypersensitive. It’s like installing a super-sensitive car alarm that goes off when a leaf falls on it. Harmless sensations start triggering alarm bells.Your brain, in turn, interprets these signals as pain.

But it doesn't stop there. Your thoughts are the ones controlling the volume of that alarm. Have you ever caught yourself thinking:

"This isn't normal."

"What if it's something serious?"

"Nothing ever helps."

“I’m missing out on so much because of this.”

These thoughts aren't just passive observers; they’re fuel on the fire. They are active participants in your pain experience. They create anxiety, sadness or anger which trigger a stress response in your body. In the case of anxiety, your heart rate increases, your muscles tense up, and guess what? Your hypersensitive nervous system interprets all of this as more reason to sound the alarm.

And so the dance continues, each step reinforcing the next.

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Breaking the Cycle

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Great, so my pain is all in my head?" Not at all. Your pain is very real. But your thoughts about it can make it better or worse.

Remember the bird song? You can't control whether the birds sing, but you can influence how you perceive their song. The same is true for your pain.

Here's a little experiment I want you to try. The next time you feel a twinge of pain, instead of immediately thinking, "Oh no, here we go again," try this:

1. Pause.

2. Take a deep breath.

3. Say to yourself, "This is just a sensation. It doesn't define me."

It might feel silly at first. You might even resist it. That's okay. The goal isn't to make the pain disappear instantly. It's to create a little space between the sensation and your reaction to it.

The Power of Belief

Your beliefs about your pain are incredibly powerful. If you believe that sitting for too long will make your back pain worse, just seeing a chair can trigger a stress response in your body.

But here's the exciting part: these beliefs can be changed.

I once worked with someone who was convinced that if they didn't stretch immediately at the first sign of muscle tension, it would inevitably lead to intense pain. This belief was so ingrained that they felt compelled to stretch at the slightest sensation, which was significantly impacting their daily life.

We decided to test this belief. They agreed to simply pause, take a deep breath and say to themselves: “"This is just a sensation. It doesn't define me." and then observe the sensation of muscle tension without immediately reacting to it by thinking: “I need to stretch otherwise I am going to have intense pain”. And you know what? More often than not, the tension didn't transform into the debilitating pain they feared.

This simple experiment helped them challenge their beliefs over time and free themselves from the fear that was keeping them in a constant state of protection against their own body.

Feeding the Right Fire

Our attention is like kindling. Whatever we focus on, we fuel. If we constantly zero in on our pain and worries, we’re stoking a fire that’s all too eager to burn out of control.

But we can choose to let it die off and feed a different one.

Imagine you’re in a chilly cabin. There’s a hearth with two fires. One is the Pain Fire—it’s raging, wild, consuming all your energy. The other is the Peace Fire—gentle, warm, inviting.

Which one do you feed?

I started fuelling my Peace Fire by pausing and changing my thoughts about the pain, engaging in activities that brought me joy, even in small doses— a warm cup of tea, a stroll in the garden, calling a friend. Each moment spent away from obsessing over pain was a log on the Peace Fire, and gradually, it began to outshine the other.

Your Turn: Practical Steps to Change Your Thoughts

So how can you start shifting your focus and reclaiming your life from pain’s grip?

Imagine your mind as a busy train station. Each thought is a train arriving and departing. Some trains are heading to dark destinations—fear, frustration, hopelessness. Others are going to more peaceful places—acceptance, calm, resilience. You don’t have to board every train. Practice watching your thoughts come and go without getting carried away by them.

If you find yourself on a train headed toward negativity, gently get off at the next stop and return to the platform, grounding yourself in the present moment by engaging in something you enjoy—like listening to your favorite music, taking a refreshing walk, or relaxing in a warm bath.

It is also useful to take a moment to reflect on your beliefs about your pain. Ask yourself:

1. What situations do I believe make my pain worse?

2. Do I believe I'm capable of ever being free from this pain?

Write down your answers. Be honest with yourself. These beliefs are not set in stone. They can be challenged. They can be changed.

Then, question them:

• Is this always true?

• What’s the evidence for and against this thought?

Finally, replace your thought with a more accurate one:

For example, instead of thinking: “I will never get better again”, try: “I’m taking steps to improve my situation.”

Remember, your pain is a protective mechanism, not necessarily an indication of physical damage. It's like a car alarm that goes off because of a strong gust of wind. No break-in has occurred, but the alarm is blaring nonetheless.

The Path Forward

Changing your relationship with pain is a journey. It's not about denying your pain or forcing yourself to think positive thoughts. It's about creating a little more space between you and your pain. It's about recognising that while you may not be able to control every sensation in your body, you do have some control over how you respond to those sensations.

The Power Lies Within You

Your pain is real, but so is your strength. You’re not just a passenger on this journey—you’re the driver.

Ask yourself: What story am I telling myself about my pain? Is it one of defeat, or is it one of resilience?

Every moment is an opportunity to rewrite that story. To change the conversation when pain speaks.

Remember, you are not your pain. You are the awareness that experiences the pain.And in that awareness lies your power to change your experience.

Your journey to a life with less pain starts with a single thought. What will yours be?

If you’d like support on your journey, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out, and we can have a friendly chat to see if my personalised approach is the right fit for you.