The Dance of Stress and Calm

How Listening to Your Nervous System Can Ease Chronic Pain

We often think of stress as the villain in our lives—a relentless enemy that pushes us toward anxiety, exhaustion, and pain. But what if the real culprit isn’t the stress itself, but our relationship with it? What if the key to managing not just stress, but chronic pain, lies in understanding how to move between activation and deactivation in our nervous system?

Stress, after all, isn’t inherently bad. It’s your body’s way of preparing you for action. Your heart pounds, your breath quickens, your muscles tense—all signs that your nervous system is saying, “You’re ready.” The problem comes when we get stuck in this activated state, unable to return to a place of rest and recovery. For those with chronic pain, this inability to “switch off” can be particularly debilitating.

The Consequence of a Stuck Nervous System

When stress is chronic, the nervous system becomes like a broken switch, jammed in the “on” position. For someone living with chronic pain, this means that the body remains in a heightened state of alertness long after the initial trigger has passed. The muscles stay tight, the breathing shallow, and the mind on edge—all of which amplify the sensation of pain.

In this hyperactive state, the body misinterprets even normal sensations as threats. A slight twinge in your back, a moment of stiffness in your neck—these signals get magnified into full-blown pain. Your body is trying to protect you, but the protection becomes a prison. Pain persists, not because of ongoing injury, but because your nervous system is trapped in fight-or-flight mode.

The Ebb and Flow of Your Nervous System

Imagine your nervous system as a river. Sometimes, it needs to rush forward, carrying you through moments of challenge or urgency. This is your activation state—where stress helps you rise to meet demands. But just as rivers need calm stretches to replenish and restore, your nervous system needs moments of deactivation—where you return to a state of rest, repair, and ease.

This ebb and flow between activation and deactivation is essential for a healthy, resilient body. When you can move seamlessly between these states, your nervous system can process stress efficiently, keeping you adaptable and strong. You respond to challenges and then naturally return to calm.

For those with chronic pain, this flow is often disrupted. The body remains stuck in the rushing waters of activation, with no calm stretches in sight. Learning to guide your nervous system back to rest—to ebb and flow between stress and calm—is crucial to reducing pain and reclaiming your life.

Why Learning the Language of Your Body Matters

Your body is constantly communicating with you, offering signals that can guide you back to balance. Pain, tension, fatigue—these aren’t just frustrations; they’re messages. They’re your body’s way of saying, “Pay attention! Something needs care.”

But if you’ve been stuck in pain for a long time, it’s easy to misinterpret these signals. Pain starts to feel like an enemy, a random act of cruelty. Yet, just as stress isn’t inherently bad, neither is pain. Both are designed to protect you. The key is to listen closely and respond appropriately.

• Pain is a call to pause. Ask yourself, “What’s this pain trying to tell me?” Is it asking for rest, for a shift in posture, for a release of tension?

• Fatigue is a request for recovery. When exhaustion hits, your body is saying, “Slow down, let me heal.”

• Anxiety is a warning of perceived threat. Sometimes the threat is real; sometimes it’s just your nervous system stuck in overdrive.

When you learn to ebb and flow with these signals—to rise to the challenge and then return to calm—you begin to restore balance. You teach your nervous system that it’s safe to relax, that it doesn’t need to stay on high alert.

Activating and Deactivating with Intention

Your nervous system is like a finely tuned instrument. When you’re in danger, it activates fight-or-flight (sympathetic response). When the threat is gone, it should settle back into rest-and-digest (parasympathetic response).

The goal isn’t to avoid activation. It’s to ensure you can shift back and forth smoothly.

Here’s how you can cultivate this ability:

1. Reframe Your Stress Response:

Next time you feel your heart pound or your breath quicken, pause. Remind yourself that these sensations can mean you’re ready and you care. Instead of fearing the sensations, welcome them as signs of readiness.

2. Mind-Body Practices:

Yoga therapy, breathwork, or guided meditation can help you physically release tension and return to balance. These practices give your body the tools to deactivate after activation.

3. Awareness of Beliefs:

Are your beliefs making stress worse? For example, believing “I must be perfect” or “I’m not good enough” amplifies stress. Challenge these thoughts and consider how you might shift them.

4. Release Physically:

Unlike animals who shake off stress after a near-miss with a predator, we often hold tension. Try shaking, dancing, or running to physically discharge stress.

5. Self-Soothing:

Develop techniques to calm yourself — soothing touch, slow breathing, or visualisations. This signals to your nervous system that it’s safe to relax.

From Stuck to Resilient

When you learn to activate and deactivate your nervous system with intention, something powerful happens. Stress no longer controls you. Instead, you respond to challenges with strength and flexibility.

• That tight deadline? It becomes a thrilling challenge.

• That difficult conversation? An opportunity to grow.

• That looming presentation? A chance to shine.

Instead of feeling trapped in endless tension, you experience a healthy ebb and flow. Your body rises to meet the moment — and then knows how to let go.

Pain, Stress, and the Journey to Healing

Learning to navigate stress and pain isn’t about avoiding discomfort forever. It’s about developing a flexible, resilient nervous system—one that can face challenges and then return to a state of rest. It’s about hearing your body’s messages and responding with care, not fear.

When you can ebb and flow between activation and deactivation, you break free from the cycle of chronic pain. You remind your body that it’s safe, that it doesn’t need to stay locked in protection mode. This dance between tension and relaxation isn’t just the key to managing stress—it’s the path to healing.

So the next time your body sends you a signal, don’t ignore it. Listen, hear, and understand. Your body isn’t your enemy; it’s your ally, calling you back to balance.

Your Stress Isn’t the Enemy. Your Body Is Trying to Help.

Remember, your body’s stress response is a survival tool. It’s there to protect you. The key is learning how to harness it, how to ride the wave of activation and then come back to calm.

You don’t need to live a stress-free life to be healthy. You need a flexible nervous system — one that can handle life’s ups and downs and know when to let go.

So, the next time you feel stress bubbling up, ask yourself: What if this is excitement? What if my body is ready? And know that you have the power to come back to calm when you need to.

It’s not the stress itself. It’s how you relate to it.

If this resonates, share your thoughts. How do you navigate stress in your life? What helps you shift from activation back to calm?

If you’d like support on your journey, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out, and we can have a friendly chat to see if my personalised approach is the right fit for you.