Riding the Waves of Pain: How Setbacks Can Signal Real Progress

When Pain Peaks: Understanding Why Setbacks May Signal a Breakthrough in Healing

Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

Have you ever felt that you were on the brink of freedom from chronic pain, only to be pulled back into its relentless grip?

You might have thought, “Finally, I’m getting somewhere,” and then—out of nowhere—the pain strikes back, fierce and consuming. It’s crushing, leaving you questioning everything, maybe even feeling betrayed by your own body. If this resonates, know that you’re not alone, and more importantly, that this could be the turning point in your journey.

Today, I want to share a concept that might seem counterintuitive but is essential to understanding pain’s true nature. We’ll explore a phenomenon known as the “extinction burst,” that sudden flare-up that often precedes genuine healing. Together, we’ll look at why this temporary increase in symptoms, though intensely discouraging, may be the signal that lasting change is just around the corner.

But this journey isn’t only about understanding the science. It’s about navigating this journey with courage, patience, and resilience—so that even when things seem darkest, you won’t feel like giving up.

Progress Isn’t Always Straightforward: Why the Path to Healing is Non-Linear

We like to think that healing should be straightforward, a smooth line pointing ever upward. But the truth is, recovery from chronic pain is rarely so predictable. It’s a process full of setbacks, doubts, and questions—moments that can make you wonder, “Is this really working?”

If you’re here, you’ve likely tried just about everything to find relief. Each attempt might have given you a taste of hope, only to have that hope taken away as pain returned. This cycle of effort and frustration can lead to something psychologists call “learned helplessness,” a feeling that no matter what you do, nothing will work. To understand this, let’s look back at a study from the 1970s.

Psychologists Martin Seligman and Steven Maier placed dogs into three groups for an experiment:

1. In the first group, dogs were harnessed and then released with no intervention.

2. In the second group, dogs were harnessed but given control to stop electric shocks by pressing a panel.

3. The third group endured the shocks without any way to stop them.

Later, these dogs were placed in a box divided into two compartments, one electrified and one safe. The dogs in the first two groups quickly learned to jump to safety. But the dogs in the third group—the ones who’d experienced shocks they couldn’t control—simply lay down. They didn’t even try to escape. They’d learned that nothing they did made a difference, so they stopped trying altogether.

This concept of “learned helplessness” applies to us as well. After repeated failed attempts to manage pain, it’s easy to fall into a similar mindset. You may start to believe that no matter what you try, nothing will help. This is a natural reaction, but it’s not the end of the story. Understanding how pain works offers a new way forward, one that doesn’t require giving up.

Pain Isn’t Just in the Body: How Your Brain Creates and Amplifies Pain

The first turning point is to recognise where pain is actually “created.” You might think, “My back hurts, so something must be wrong with my back.” But here’s the surprising truth: just as your eyes don’t actually “see” images—they simply capture light and send it to the brain to interpret—the body doesn’t create pain. It merely sends signals to the brain. It’s the brain that decides what you feel.

Imagine looking at a sunset. Your eyes don’t “make” the picture; they simply pass information to the brain, which then interprets the colours, shapes, and beauty. Pain works in much the same way. Nerves in the body send signals when there’s pressure, heat, or tension, but it’s the brain that determines how—or if—you feel pain. And just as the brain can misinterpret visual signals (like when you see something that isn’t really there), it can also misinterpret or amplify pain signals, especially when stress or fear are present.

Understanding this can be empowering. It means that chronic pain isn’t necessarily a sign of damage in your body. Often, it’s the brain overreacting, amplifying these signals because it’s become hypervigilant, perceiving normal sensations as threats.

The Role of the Nervous System: Why Balance and Pain Aren’t Conscious Choices

You might think that controlling pain is as simple as making a conscious decision, like choosing to balance on two wheels. But in reality, just as you can’t consciously decide to “balance” on a bicycle—that’s your vestibular system at work—you can’t consciously “turn off” pain. The nervous system, not your conscious mind, decides these things.

Think back to learning to ride a bike. At first, you wobbled, and every fall might have made you feel like giving up. But over time, through trial and error, your nervous system learned to keep you balanced. You didn’t have to think about it; it became an automatic response. Pain operates similarly. It’s not a conscious choice but an automatic response shaped by your nervous system. Just as balance becomes second nature with practice, the nervous system can learn to respond differently to pain signals over time.

Facing the Extinction Burst: When Pain Spikes Right Before Relief

After months or years of managing pain, setting boundaries, and practising self-compassion, you might feel ready to finally experience sustained relief. But then, out of nowhere, a surge of pain strikes. This phenomenon, often described by psychologists as an “extinction burst,” is actually a natural part of the healing process.

The extinction burst comes from behavioural psychology, describing how a behaviour often intensifies before it fades away completely. When applied to chronic pain, it means that as you introduce healthier responses to pain, your nervous system—accustomed to certain pain pathways—may rebel with one last surge of discomfort. This is not a sign that things are getting worse; it’s often a sign that real change is on the horizon.

Imagine you’re trying to quit an old habit, like reaching for a late-night snack. At first, the cravings can become almost unbearable because your brain is fighting the change. Similarly, when you’re reprogramming your response to pain, your nervous system may respond with an intense flare-up. This is not a failure; it’s your body’s way of adjusting to a new way of being.

Navigating the Extinction Burst: How to Steady Yourself When Pain Peaks

When pain spikes unexpectedly, it’s natural to feel anxious and discouraged. In these moments, the brain tends to fall back on fearful thoughts like, “I’ll never get better,” or, “This isn’t working.” But here’s the key: these doubts are not truths; they’re reactions, echoes of past frustration.

Instead of giving in to fear, meet it with a calming response. Remind yourself, “This is just a phase. My body is adjusting, and I am safe. The methods I’m using are helping me move forward.” By reframing your fear, you reduce its power and allow yourself to stay on the path.

Facing this fear with a sense of compassion for yourself can shift your entire experience. Imagine how you’d comfort a child learning to walk, stumbling, and falling. Just as you’d encourage them with patience and understanding, extend that same patience to yourself. These moments of difficulty don’t signify failure—they’re part of the process of building resilience and trust in your own journey.

Living in the Present: Embracing Imperfection and Finding Happiness in the Here and Now

Many of us fall into the trap of believing we’ll only be happy once things are “perfect.” “When I’m finally free of pain, I’ll be able to enjoy life,” or, “Once I achieve [X], I’ll be content.” But this all-or-nothing thinking can prevent us from seeing the beauty in our present lives.

Life isn’t black and white; it’s filled with shades of joy, frustration, relief, and struggle, often all at once. Just as you can feel love and irritation towards someone you care about, you can experience moments of happiness and peace even in the presence of discomfort. Recognising this complexity can help you release the notion that happiness depends on everything being perfect.

Embracing the Journey of Healing

As we reach the end of this discussion, remember that the road to freedom from chronic pain is often winding. Every flare-up, each doubt, and every small victory is a part of this larger journey toward peace and self-discovery. Healing isn’t about reaching a final destination but learning to navigate the journey with resilience and self-compassion.

Every moment of doubt and each setback is a part of this story, a chapter in a narrative that leads toward greater strength and understanding. You’re not alone; many others share your hopes, your challenges, and your determination. Keep moving forward, find joy in the small victories, and trust in your ability to reshape your experience of life.

With every step, you are not only moving closer to physical relief but also embracing a richer, fuller life. Keep going, and believe that with each day, you’re getting closer to the life you truly deserve.

If you’d like support on your journey, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out, and we can have a friendly chat to see if my personalised approach is the right fit for you.