How Stress Shapes Us and Fuels Chronic Pain

Understanding the Roots of Stress and Finding Relief Through the Body

Photo by Francisco Moreno on Unsplash

Feeling Overwhelmed? You’re Not Alone

Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed by life—whether it’s due to work responsibilities, toxic relationships, or simply the endless to-do lists that seem to grow by the day? If so, you’re not alone. In today’s fast-paced world, stress has become an inescapable part of daily life.

But stress isn't just about feeling frazzled or exhausted. Over time, it can manifest in ways that deeply affect our physical and emotional well-being, contributing to anxiety, chronic pain, digestive issues, sleep disturbances, and even a weakened immune system.

The good news? Understanding the roots of our stress and learning how to respond to it can help us break free from its hold.

The Hidden Roots of Stress: Childhood, Personality, and Modern Life

Stress doesn’t appear out of nowhere—it often has deep roots in our past experiences, our personality traits, and the pressures we face daily.

1. Childhood Stress: The Unseen Foundations

Imagine a child growing up in an environment where love feels conditional or expectations are impossibly high. These early experiences, even when subtle, shape how we view ourselves and how we manage stress as adults. The constant need to prove their worth, to be "good enough," to avoid mistakes—these patterns become deeply ingrained. As adults, they might find themselves stuck in cycles of overachievement or people-pleasing, fearing that falling short means losing love or approval. The weight of these early lessons can feel like an invisible chain, pulling them into relentless self-criticism and exhaustion, without fully understanding why. If you've ever felt that no matter how hard you try, it never feels like enough, it could be a reflection of these early imprints silently shaping your present struggles.

Perhaps your childhood stress wasn’t the result of a major trauma but came from everyday challenges—pressure to perform, sibling rivalry, or a lack of emotional support. As children, we adapt to these stressors in ways that can follow us into adulthood, creating patterns of self-doubt, perfectionism, and people-pleasing.

For example:

A child whose parents rarely praised them may grow up feeling “not good enough.” As an adult, they may push themselves relentlessly, believing their worth is tied to achievement, leading to chronic tension and pain.

A child with a volatile parent may learn to suppress their emotions to maintain peace. Over time, this emotional suppression can translate into physical symptoms like migraines, back pain, or gastrointestinal distress.

Unresolved emotions from childhood can trigger the nervous system, leaving you feeling constantly on edge, as if you're bracing for something to go wrong at any moment. You might notice it in the way your shoulders tighten when you receive an email from your boss, or how your heart races when you're faced with making even small decisions. These deeply ingrained patterns keep your body in a state of high alert, making it difficult to fully relax or trust that you're safe in the present moment. The body, in its attempt to protect you, may develop chronic tension, pain, or other physical symptoms as a way of signaling that something needs your attention., keeping it in a state of heightened alertness that contributes to chronic pain.

2. Self-Induced Stress: The Pressure We Put on Ourselves

As adults, our personality traits and coping mechanisms—many formed in childhood—can add another layer of stress. The relentless pursuit of perfection, the weight of over-responsibility, and the constant need to control every detail can make us feel like we’re carrying an invisible burden that never lightens. You might find yourself lying awake at night, replaying conversations and worrying about things beyond your control, or feeling a sense of dread every time your inbox pings. These habits, once adaptive responses to childhood challenges, can now leave you feeling trapped in a cycle of tension and exhaustion, as if you’re always bracing for something to go wrong. And when the pressure builds, your body responds with pain, fatigue, and other physical symptoms—its way of asking you to slow down and take notice.

For instance, striving to meet impossibly high standards might drive success, but it also keeps the nervous system in a perpetual state of arousal, like an engine running at full speed without a break. Over time, the body begins to wave red flags—pain that nags at you during quiet moments, fatigue that no amount of sleep seems to cure, and a sense of unease that lingers beneath the surface. These signals aren’t just inconveniences; they’re your body’s way of asking for relief, for a gentler, more compassionate way forward.

3. The Fast Pace of Modern Life: A Never-Ending Cycle

From work deadlines to social pressures and digital distractions, modern life bombards us with stressors at every turn. The constant stimulation prevents our nervous system from ever fully relaxing, leaving us in a state of chronic activation.

Even minor stressors—like an overflowing inbox or a difficult conversation—can accumulate into an emotional “pressure cooker,” with physical symptoms being the result.

Understanding Stress: What’s Really Happening?

To effectively manage stress, it's important to distinguish between its different forms:

Stress: A response to a specific demand or threat, often temporary and situational. If left unaddressed, it can escalate and contribute to anxiety.

Fear: An immediate reaction to a perceived danger, which helps us respond to threats.

Anxiety: A chronic emotional response that persists even in the absence of direct threats, often fuelled by unresolved stress.

While stress itself isn’t inherently bad—it can motivate and push us forward—chronic stress that isn’t addressed can take a toll on our health. Left unchecked, prolonged stress can lead to heightened anxiety levels, making it even harder to regulate emotions and cope with daily challenges. Recognising the difference between these states allows us to address stress at its root before it spirals into chronic anxiety or other health complications.

Additionally, our perception of stress plays a crucial role in its impact. If we view stress as something threatening and unmanageable, it can exacerbate its negative effects. On the other hand, adopting a more accepting and proactive stance towards stress can help us harness its energy in a more constructive way.

The Body Holds the Key

When stress becomes overwhelming, it can feel like you're trapped in a cycle with no escape—like you're carrying an invisible weight that grows heavier by the day. The instinct is often to change external circumstances: switch jobs, cut off toxic relationships, or relocate in hopes of finding relief. And while these changes can sometimes help, they aren't always feasible, and more importantly, they don't always address the root of the issue. True relief often begins within the body, in the quiet spaces where we can reconnect with ourselves.

Imagine your body as a trusted friend, one who has been speaking to you all along, whispering messages through tension, fatigue, and pain. Honouring your body with kindness, rather than fighting against it, can open the door to profound healing and resilience.

Relying solely on logic and willpower to combat stress often leaves us feeling even more drained. Since stress is both a physical and mental experience, addressing the body is a crucial first step in regaining balance.

Learning to Ebb and Flow

Our bodies are designed to oscillate between states of activation (fight-or-flight) and relaxation (rest-and-digest). But when life’s demands keep us in a prolonged state of activation, it can feel like we're constantly running a marathon with no finish line in sight. The nervous system, stuck on high alert, sends wave after wave of tension through our muscles, leaving us feeling exhausted yet unable to fully relax. This chronic state of alertness can quietly weave itself into our daily lives—manifesting as that nagging back pain that won’t go away, the tightness in our chest before an important meeting, or the restless nights spent tossing and turning. Understanding this cycle is the first step towards breaking free and inviting ease back into our bodies.

Finding balance means learning to transition smoothly between these states. Techniques such as breath work, mindfulness, and gentle movement help rewire the nervous system, allowing for a healthier ebb and flow.

Practical Steps to Manage Stress and Chronic Pain

Visualise Your Stress Like a Jug of Water

Each stressful event adds more water to the jug. Without managing stress, it will eventually overflow, leading to burnout and illness. Incorporating daily relaxation practices helps lower the water level, preventing overflow.

Start Small, Practice Consistently

Managing stress doesn’t require drastic lifestyle changes. Small, consistent practices like deep breathing, stretching, or even taking short mindful breaks can make a significant impact over time.

Reframe Your Perspective

Instead of focusing on eliminating stress, shift your focus to how you respond to it. View stress signals as valuable messages from your body rather than threats.

Mind-Body Practices

Gentle movement, yoga, and mindfulness meditation help calm the nervous system and foster a deeper connection with your body.

Journaling to Release Emotional Tension

Writing down your thoughts and emotions allows you to process unresolved feelings that might be contributing to stress and pain.

The Path Forward: Embracing Change with Self-Compassion

Progress isn’t about perfection; it’s about persistence and patience. It's about showing up for yourself, day after day, even when the progress feels slow or invisible. Imagine the relief of knowing that small, consistent steps can lead to profound change, and that every effort you make is an act of self-compassion, honouring your body's need for care and kindness. True transformation happens on the way to the goal, not just at the destination. Imagine planting a seed in a garden. You don’t just wait for the bloom; you nurture it daily, tending to the soil, providing water, and allowing it to grow in its own time. Just as a flower doesn’t bloom overnight, meaningful change unfolds gradually, requiring care, self-compassion, and patience along the way.

By setting gentle intentions instead of rigid resolutions, and by honouring your body’s signals with kindness, you create a sustainable path to well-being.

What steps will you take today to begin managing your stress and listening to your body?

Your healing journey starts with small, intentional actions. Imagine the relief of taking just one step today—a step towards listening to your body, honouring your needs, and reclaiming your sense of balance.

If you’d like support on your journey, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out, and we can have a friendly chat to see if my personalised approach is the right fit for you.